What is Love?

What is Love?

Is love a feeling, an emotion, an urge, or just an activity? When we say, "I love you," it often implies an action. Rarely do we hear someone say, "I am in love with you," which suggests a deep emotional state. For now, let’s accept that love is a feeling. But then, why does a mother’s love differ from romantic love or the love for food? This is because love encompasses a range of strong emotional and psychological states. In essence, love is a profound attraction and emotional attachment, representing kindness, affection, and compassion. At its core, love is an experience one person has for another.

What Influences Attraction?

Not everyone is naturally drawn to all kinds of people. Personal preferences are shaped by factors such as caste, religion, gender, region, language, financial status, physical appearance, and social norms. In today’s world, people often suppress their natural instincts in public interactions, knowing that selflessness and compassion enhance their social acceptance.

Social and cultural backgrounds, intellectual depth, and artistic inclinations also influence attraction. Some individuals seek partners with similar values, religious beliefs, and world-views, while others find excitement in contrasting personalities. These preferences stem from a person’s upbringing and deeply ingrained beliefs.

Moreover, beauty standards play a role in attraction. Why are we often drawn to physically appealing individuals? Why does attraction rarely extend to those with unconventional features or disabilities? The answer lies in biology—hormones and brain chemistry play a significant role in human attraction.

The Science of Relationships

Let’s explore the medical and biological aspects of attraction. (Perhaps a doctor among us can validate this!) Research indicates that certain hormones, such as oxytocin and vasopressin—produced in the hypothalamus—are responsible for fostering emotional connections. Oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone,” plays a crucial role in developing attachments. It strengthens relationships, whether between romantic partners or a mother and her child during breastfeeding.

Pheromones also influence attraction. In the animal kingdom, scents help creatures identify mates. Similarly, human pheromones—such as estratetraenol in females and androstadienone in males—impact attraction at a subconscious level. Physical traits like a healthy body, symmetrical features, and overall vitality enhance one’s desirability. Healthy individuals are seen as better reproductive partners, making them more attractive from an evolutionary standpoint.

How Does One Fall in Love?

Love begins when one encounters a person who aligns with their ideology and evokes sexual attraction. This process triggers a surge in dopamine and testosterone, encouraging behaviors that foster connection. Oxytocin plays a key role in deepening emotional bonds. However, love can fade when serotonin levels shift in the hypothalamus, reducing attraction and emotional intensity.

In simple terms, love starts as infatuation. Infatuation grows from attraction, where individuals highlight their best qualities. However, once two people begin living together, their flaws become apparent. Disillusionment sets in, leading to frustration, disappointment, and, eventually, cracks in the relationship. High expectations often result in discontent, which can escalate into anger and conflict.

The Reality of Love

Love is not about compromise but about mutual understanding. Problems arise when one partner tries to customise the other, tries to change the other. In arranged marriages, this pressure is lower, as partners accept each other as they are. Love is a blend of chemistry and biology, but intellect plays a crucial role in sustaining relationships.

There is no harm in not falling in love before marriage. Sometimes, it is wiser to love the person you marry rather than insist on marrying the person you love. In the end, successful relationships are built on acceptance, understanding, and shared experiences.